Thursday, March 29, 2012

Where is my... has been what feels like a lifetime since i logged on to write anything for you me or ANYONE.  I am in a warp, a rut, some kind of pergatory & when I write my feelings down, sometimes sweet clarity follows.  I have to start working...HARD...on me.  I have let too many things pass me by.  Do you know that I believe that we can over indluge ourselves in personal betterment...we can bind ourselves to looking for the true meaning of something instead of just living & being & enjoying??  I think I might be doing that.  I tend to overthink things alot.  But you know what...I have to stop that.  I have to think of the things that matter...count my blessings & then count them again.  There is a post going around on facebook right now.  It caused me to stop & consider it in all of its brilliance...its goes something like this;  What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked GOD for yesterday?  Ya...what if??  Could I say that I spend my days being thankful for my husband, my kids, my home, my life, and everything in it??  Being happy with what you have has got to be such a peaceful feeling. 

So does it matter if I am 40 lbs overweight?  Does it matter if Kevin & I dont agree on how to parent all the time?  Does it matter when the kids dont clean their rooms, respect the rules or do a chore I asked.  I guess not in the grand scheme of things.  And so, in the grand scheme of things I am EVER greatful for all of my blessings but in those moments when someone leaves their plates in the basement & then is asked to put them where they belong & they turn up on the counter instead of in the dishwasher or the dogs did not get fed or the laundry switched over, I feel mad, frustrated disrespected...and worse...unappreciated.

I am busy making excuses instead of making progress.  I also think a slight bit of depression has set in. Kinda feel like every time I make a choice it tends to be the wrong one.  Look at my jobs & education...check out my friendships, or the way I may have handled something.  I even second guess my decor, my clothes, my hair,  my style, my artwork...ME!  WOW.  When I write it down, I realize that the ONLY thing I need to do is take a deep breathe & TRUST.  Thankfully I have found many amazing things along the way to guide me including this incredible post by Brave Girls.

And here is another thing to ponder...why do I always seem to think I know what is good for others.  When people talk about a situation...I have words or ideas for them that they seem to appreciate.  They say is helpful.  Where is that wisdom for me.  Why am I so judgemental of my own heart & mind??

It isnt what happens to you in life...its how you handle it. All the pretty words & quotes wont make anything better unless they are put into action.  So Dear Sherri, you & your truthteller need to go to a place of peace & decide what you really want & need and then come up with a plan to not only keep being you but enjoy it & love it & LIVE LIFE FULLY the way it was intended for us to do!!

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