Sunday, October 14, 2012

Go do it!!

So I guess this divine little post on facebook earlier today is for me...even if it isnt, I am happy to claim it.  What am I doing.  Just have to give my head a shake.  I have all the answers when someone asks them of me and I can sound so confidant in delivering what I know but I sure don't live them and I am ashamed of that.  I have started so many things and I don't see through because fear courses through me.  Fear that I let others put in me.  That is my only thought for tonite. 

Thursday, May 10, 2012


Ok so the picture above doesnt exactly match the mood of this post but I am looking for my happy place!!  Laundry on the go, vacuuming, coffee drinking, work out in...but I had to stop & write...  I am so so frustrated today!  I am overwhelmed with things that are mine to do...  Didnt sleep more than 1 1/2 hours last night & woke up to (j) asking if he could go to the doctor (a whole other story for another time) a daze, I say ya but my wheels start turning & there is no sleep to be caught up on for this Mama...I came into the kitchen this morning, the dishes are all over, even some left from supper last night that was supposed to be cleaned up by the kids.  I went to feed the dogs some leftovers, the fire wood that the kids were supposed to put away, well, its still in the same place...after 2 weeks!!!  The laundry I did two three & four days ago, is still on the floor in their rooms.  The basement??  Well, lets just say I worked out elsewhere because it was too upsetting to look at the cans & the garbage & even find the remote for my background music.

Arrgggghhhh.  It's funny that there is always a $20 available for the movies, or a ride to them, sure you can go golfing, ya you can have 3 kids sleep over...I will make everyone breakfast.  Seriously??  How about a little respect & a little follow through.  This house is 4000 sq feet.  There are 5 people living here....not just me.  I am pretty sure I have seen the other 4 lurking about, in the kitchen making snacks, in the bathroom, lazing on the couch watching tv...WTF??!  Worse yet, the biggest kid (kp) makes excuses for all of it!  I guess it isnt enough that I dont really sit still all day...there is always a hot meal, clean clothes, groceries, kids to appointments & jobs...its handled....can I have some friggen help. 

You know what else, my sister writes on a public forum last night asking me if I left soiled shorts on the driveway where her & Mom live??!  HUH!??  First, I havent soiled any shorts recently, Second, I wasnt at Mom's place so I certainly never left any behind & THIRD...WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT on a public setting??  To ridicule me, belittle me or simply make a fool of me??  Wow...wonder what would happen if the shoes were on her feet??

I am almost done ranting...NO!!  I am done.  I am going to finish the list I started for myself.  Supper is 1/2 prepared & laundry is almost caught up.  I am gonna dust & vaccuum with my earphones in & sweat this mood out....

Hoping the rest of you are having a freakin fantastic day!!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

I borrowed this from someone on facebook tonite...  I love the message & I thought it blog worthy.  I like to come here to share my thoughts and I would like to share the following with you...
We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another.   Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are.
After that we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.  We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now.  If not now ... when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

from Alfred D Souza ...  "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin.  But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

So stop waiting until you finish school ... until you go back to school ... until you lose ten pounds ... until you gain ten pounds ... until you have kids ... until your kids leave the house ... until you start work ... until you retire ... until you get married ... until you get divorced ... until Friday night ... until Sunday morning ... until you get a new car or home ... until your car or home is paid off ... until spring, until summer ... until fall ... until winter ... until you are off welfare ... until the first or fifteenth ... until your song comes on ... until you've had a drink ... until you've sobered up ... until you die ... until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy ...

Monday, April 30, 2012

Creat your Living Canvas

So excited to start something else...something new.  My great friend brought it to my attention & with a great timeline, this is an online class that I can do.  I am taking a living art canvas class.  I havent even started it yet but I joined the online group & WOW!!  What a great bunch so far.  So welcoming & helpful.  I cannot wait to carve some time into my busy days to start getting my art on!!  I feel so alive & happy when I play with my paints & gesso & mod podge & glitter ....its all perfectly fun!!  A great way to LIVE & express myself.  So thanks knew just what I needed!!  Come join me!!

NOW...where to get those awesome stamps.

It's a Boy!!!

For those of you who don't know, my family will be hosting a boy from Austria while my son is away in Taiwan!!  This boy is an avid fan of Jamie Oliver (this could be very good for us) and loves to cook like him.  He is  also an aviation nut.  I cannot wait to show him some of the best things about Canada & share our home with him.  He will go to school here & interact with our family as a part of it!  I hope he knows how brave I think he is & I hope he knows he has already found a special place in my heart.  Cannot wait to meet you in person Julius!! 

I am feeling so inspired...

Ok peeps...I am feeling inspired. proud of my young friend.  I did not ask permission &  need to write this NOW so I cannot introduce you to my friend but her birthday was this past weekend.  She found this Birthday Project & she ran with it...She touched more people lives on her day than some of us do in a lifetime.  I bet it was the very best & most memorable birthday she EVER spent!! 

I am inspired to do this too.  I was thinking that I should do one thing every day because I am not so sure I can wait for my February birthday. Lol!! 

Take the time to check this out.  You wont be sorry.  Be blessed & have an amazing day!!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Been thinking alot about this...

I have thought alot about this lately.  It may be that the grumpy sales clerk got yelled at all night by her useless boyfriend who was drinking.  Maybe that rude little boy who threw something at your dog failed an important test or the next person missed an important deadline, someone close to them passed away, they lost their life savings. There are so many reasons for anger.  Of course it is never okay to take your problems out on someone but human nature allows us to sometimes slip up & forget that the person standing in front of us is not to blame.  So I think it is a really great idea to live by.  Your kind smile or word could turn their day around or make them feel less unlovable.  Kindness really does matter.

The other thing is, when you know someone whether they be family or close friends or even just acquaintences lets not forget that they deserve respect & kindness too.  Sometimes when I am in the safety of my family & something is going wrong in my day, I tend to take it out on those closest to me.  Maybe because they are my safe place & I know there is forgiveness & love but it is NOT fair. 

So for today, I am going to speak softer, be more thoughtful & understanding to everyone I meet.  Its about treating everyone you meet with the very same respect you would appreciate. 

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Life is too short to be...

This was sent to me today...
You feel impatient and on edge, unable to relax you will find it particularly difficult to find any peace. If you are normally a calm and well-balanced person, this could be just the stimulation you need to put your plans that you have been thinking about for so long into action. Such an enterprising attitude could mean you become rather overstretched. Appearing erratic and absent-minded to others you should allow yourself the peace and quiet you need.

I think its funny & ironic & uncanny that things come to us just as we need them.  Not all of this pertains to me but it certainly strikes a cord.  So I took the plunge yesterday & recommitted to my English program...after that who knows but I had a friend remind me that I have nothing to lose.  I can still do all of the things that I do with & for my family & maybe even take on some extra things.   This not knowing where I am going & what I want is for the birds.  

EXCITED!!!  I have also been invited by a friend to join a golf league on Thursday mornings.  I don't golf often but this is something I enjoy doing & could only benefit from getting better at it!!  It will not be something that will interfere with my family time either.  

So the weekend is still 3 days away & I am feeling pressed to get there!  I have lots of English to work on, there is always laundry, lunches with friends & this monster of a messy house...Cannot wait to reward myself with a little scrapping & time with friends after.  I hope for today each & every person in my life knows the important parts of their story & sees value in each struggle & appreciates the gift that it is. 

Monday, April 16, 2012

Thoughts for today...

Good morning...So far today, I have folded laundry, helped the kids with breakfast & lunches, talked logisitics for the week over who is taking whom where & looked up a contact I will be needing today!  It doesnt sound like much but I am on it!!  I ran across this post on facebook & made a decision that today is going to be just that!!  AMAZING!!!

I am excited to finish up my scrap room...tore it apart last really tore it up.  Moved furniture, got rid of more stuff.  I am hanging on to too much dead weight in more ways than one.  So moving forward, I am going to be more concerned at the value of something when I make a will I use it in the next 6 weeks...if not, I likely do not need it!!

I also have a big task today, as I wrote about yesterday.  I think I have made up my mind & even if I dont use this, I have NOTHING to lose.  I will move forward.  This has been decided.  Now how to go about doing it!!

I am already looking forward to the weekend for many reasons.  One, it means I will have passed over some tough stuff and two, I am going to spend some time at a crop because I havent in awhile.  I have plenty of stuff I could work on & I need a little me time so its the perfect way to spend that!!  Yay!

Over the last little while, I noticed that my blog following numbers are fluxuating.  I think its funny...seriously that you choose to follow a blog but not make yourself known.  I suppose there are many reason for this but my number keeps changing by one & I am certain I know who this person is but  dont understand the reason behind the secrecy.  I dont write this blog for popularity nor do I care who reads it because if I am going to put it out there, I need to expect it isnt a secret.  If I wanted total seclusion, I would write in a journal...which sometimes I do!  I guess I just dont understand why you want to behave that way.  I mean if it is the person I am thinking of, there is no reason for your discretion/indiscretion. It is time to let your imagination not take you to this side of crazy!!  Anyway, not wasting anymore time on that!

So thankful for this place to jot down my thoughts.  Less profound than ever today but not every day, every moment is or can be.  Its the little things that matter today for me.  I can make it amazing by how I delve into each situation.  My wish for not only myself but for each of you is to live today with purpose, take note of the small things & stop & enjoy each simple thing.  Love the moments & make it an RIDICULOUSLY AMAZING day!!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Under Construction...

This blog is undergoing construction ...please be patient

I will take some scrambled eggs instead of the scramble in my mind!!

Each day I want to wake up with the resolve that today is going to be a great day.  Better than yesterday.  I know life is good most days...most days I know that whatever comes my way I need to embrace it because it contains a gift or a lesson even though it may not look like it.  I make lists & plans & I have the best of intentions...I really do.  I go about my days without any cares but there are bad things that sometimes make their way into my day & weave their fingers around my heart...

Somedays are darker & more difficult.  I begin to wonder where my resolve goes & why happiness seems to escape me & for how long this time.  These are days when it feels hard to breath or take action because of  the weight of the anxiety & maybe other emotions that I do not always identify.  So my resolve is not within me & I greet the day with fear & sometimes loathing for what may be coming.

Right now, today, I feel blue & it isnt the spring time birds & sunshine blue.  Its dark & lonely & causes me to question my self worth... I am worried about the things I need to do, finding it hard to comitt to any of it.  Scared that I will make the wrong choices.  Those are the big things...& then I continue to pile many other little things on my plate leaving me juggling too many things at once & needing to be everywhere at the same time. 

These past few weeks have brought a heaviness I have never really known.  There was always so much to occupy my time & keep my mind busy.  These feelings are unfamiliar to me & it seems like I cannot find the tools to handle them. I think I have begun to question everything. Why why why??  Much of what happens in our life is out of our control...or is it?  I think every little choice I have made has directed me to right where I am.  I also believe that we have a set path for that God has created.  There are decisions & actions that other people have taken that don't really know or understand me but it is me who has my life on hold right now. 
I am full of fear but it will pass & then I can move forward...but where is that.  My inner turmoil has a due date of  April 17th.  I need to make a choice as to how & what to do to move forward or do something different..  Should I pursue a career in nursing or something else?  Should I go back to school at my age?  Others have done it & they were/are older than me but is it what I really want?  Sometimes it seems like the list I have going is enough for me to handle & it is so daunting that I don't always know where to start ...SO then I don't. I just pick up my computer or turn on the tv because I know it will be there waiting at such time I am pushed to the deadline...   well, today & tomorrow is all have left & then a decision will be forced on me by a deadline.  Will I will have wasted my time jumping into something without enough thought or preparation or will I pursue it & see what happens. What is the worst that can happen??!

I want a life full of passion & purpose.I want to do the things that make my heart sing.  I want to be the best kind of me possible.  Those are the only things I know for sure. 

 A family member once told me when I was just 11 years old that if I ever have doubts about something, then it is likely not for me.  At that time they were helping me work through a purchase I thought I wanted to make but the statement stuck with me & it has followed me for my life so far.  Can I apply it to this part of my life??  I suppose I could go to my happy place today & make some more lists & consider all my options. 

Thursday, March 29, 2012

This guy... leaving us very soon.  In about 4 months to be exact.  He is going to Taiwan on a Rotary Exchange for almost a year.  He will spend his grade 12 year going to school from 7am to 5pm, living with 3 or 4 families and taking in the cultures & customs of a whole new country.  I cant help but feel pride for his bravery.  He has been immmersing himself in the language using Rosetta Stone.  He is reaching out to & connecting with other students who have traveled as he will to different countries.  Why is he doing this.  First, it is an opportunity that comes around once in a lifetime.  When else could you travel & stay with locals & live as they do & bridge gaps & build understanding of one anothers cultural differences as he can at this age.  Second, this will look amazing on a resume for future employment, education & other unsaid opportunities.  Third and maybe most important, CHANGE!  This guy has seen much change in his 16 years.  He has overcome obstacles that have weakened lesser men.  He has been brave in the face of adversity, challenged people to see & accept him or respect him at the very least.  He has held his head high when NO ONE would give him a chance, or believe in him.  His words to me not so long ago were something like this..."In a world where people make mistakes every day, mine have piled up & seem unforgivable.  I want what everyone else has and that is respect.  Granted I have brought many peoples opinions of me on all by myself but I have changed & I just need someone to believe in me.  I want more out of life than I was asking for before...  This guy is 16, as I mentioned.

What insight, but as I said, he has had to walk over coals to get to here & he deserves this opportunity.  He deserves a shot at the greatness he is inspired by & he plans to take that for himself.  Maybe he cannot articulate it right now but he is taking care of his heart in a way that many young people dont understand right now. He is ok with not doing things that will make him popular any longer but in doing what is right & necessary.  One of his previous teachers & a family friend attested to this guys character.  He said that this guy is a champion at life.  He said that this guy knows how to rise above & has a penchant for the finer things in life.  This guy is my 16 year old son who I admire so much.

When I was 16, the things that were important were having a car, having lots of friends, parties & fun.  When I was 16, I didnt read the news, nor did I care.  I am acutley aware that at 16, this guy has more on the go than I ever could have imagined possible and so I support & love him for every valiant effort to seek out the good things & make them his.

This is the Shifen Waterfall found in Taiwan.

He will see beauty that most can only view pictures of.  He will broaden his horizons & open new doors.  He will grow & change.  He will leave a 16 year old boy who plays video games & loves pop & south park & come home a man with some knowledge of the world.  I hope & pray every day for strength to accept this growth & courage to not miss him so much & understand the changes he will undergo.

He said to me that it bothers him that at his school, they will put athletes on the wall.  They will have praise for the mechanics or beauty program but they dont put an exhcange students endeavors in the lime light.  This is a huge thing he is doing.  A really BIG thing.  How many kids his age could leave the comforts of home & the safety & seurity of their parents to go out on their own like this.  To give up graduating on time & make sure to attend all of the grad parties & events that are sure to ensue.  How many kids could leave behind their motorbike that they covet or the chance at a reationship or a whole year of driving their own vehicle.  Not that many by my count. 

But this guy can & he will & I believe in him.  This guy is my 16 year old son Jordan

Where is my... has been what feels like a lifetime since i logged on to write anything for you me or ANYONE.  I am in a warp, a rut, some kind of pergatory & when I write my feelings down, sometimes sweet clarity follows.  I have to start working...HARD...on me.  I have let too many things pass me by.  Do you know that I believe that we can over indluge ourselves in personal betterment...we can bind ourselves to looking for the true meaning of something instead of just living & being & enjoying??  I think I might be doing that.  I tend to overthink things alot.  But you know what...I have to stop that.  I have to think of the things that matter...count my blessings & then count them again.  There is a post going around on facebook right now.  It caused me to stop & consider it in all of its brilliance...its goes something like this;  What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked GOD for yesterday?  Ya...what if??  Could I say that I spend my days being thankful for my husband, my kids, my home, my life, and everything in it??  Being happy with what you have has got to be such a peaceful feeling. 

So does it matter if I am 40 lbs overweight?  Does it matter if Kevin & I dont agree on how to parent all the time?  Does it matter when the kids dont clean their rooms, respect the rules or do a chore I asked.  I guess not in the grand scheme of things.  And so, in the grand scheme of things I am EVER greatful for all of my blessings but in those moments when someone leaves their plates in the basement & then is asked to put them where they belong & they turn up on the counter instead of in the dishwasher or the dogs did not get fed or the laundry switched over, I feel mad, frustrated disrespected...and worse...unappreciated.

I am busy making excuses instead of making progress.  I also think a slight bit of depression has set in. Kinda feel like every time I make a choice it tends to be the wrong one.  Look at my jobs & education...check out my friendships, or the way I may have handled something.  I even second guess my decor, my clothes, my hair,  my style, my artwork...ME!  WOW.  When I write it down, I realize that the ONLY thing I need to do is take a deep breathe & TRUST.  Thankfully I have found many amazing things along the way to guide me including this incredible post by Brave Girls.

And here is another thing to ponder...why do I always seem to think I know what is good for others.  When people talk about a situation...I have words or ideas for them that they seem to appreciate.  They say is helpful.  Where is that wisdom for me.  Why am I so judgemental of my own heart & mind??

It isnt what happens to you in life...its how you handle it. All the pretty words & quotes wont make anything better unless they are put into action.  So Dear Sherri, you & your truthteller need to go to a place of peace & decide what you really want & need and then come up with a plan to not only keep being you but enjoy it & love it & LIVE LIFE FULLY the way it was intended for us to do!!