Wednesday, January 26, 2011

whats a matter you!!!

This kid looks like I feel!!  I am so crabby today I cannot even stand myself!! goes without saying that I should get my miserable ass to bed. 

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


Time...where does it really go.  I had all these plans today!  Plans to see friends, tidy my house, get groceries, bake, go to my appointments, finish the laundry & maybe make a few cards in my not so tidy scrap studio!!  Instead...I cleaned my fridge & pantry (because the kids didn't do it).  I shoveled off my fronts steps & scraped the ice (because my kids didn't do it).  Cleaned my truck inside (because my kids made a bloody mess)!  That is where my time goes!  My kids.  I love them but man tehy take some serious work!  They create serious work...they just are heavy duty work!!  So for tomorrow... I will be thankful that I can be there to clean up a mess that the children I have make.  I will be happy that my life is full because of my blessings (my babies)!!  Soon enough, they won't need me to clean up their messes because they will move on not just for tomorrow but until such time... I will spend my TIME on them!!

Monday, January 17, 2011

On this day God wants you to know...

... that it is time to finally forgive yourself. You've carried the guilt, the shame for long enough. You've kept your wounds open for long enough. The time has come to let go, to heal. Keep the lessons and let the pain heal. Yes, you know what we are talking about it.
This was a facebook message today & it came at an amazing time.  Thank you God for being there not only when I need you but all the time!!

A long time ago....

I wrote a story about 'spider woman'.  I have come across that girl in lots of different ways here & there since the time I wrote that first post.  I thought I hated her.  I thought I needed her to pay for the way she treated myself & my family but now I know that everyday, in some small way, she suffers at her own hand. 

How hard would it be to look in the mirror & actually hate yourself.  How hard would it be to know that even though you swore you made sense at the time, people are sitting in judgement of the mistakes you continue to make because you won't acknowledge or repair the damage you create or forgive a gesture you misunderstood & continue to make things worse for everyone around including yourself.

I am thankful to say that I have good wholesome, honest, well~meaning people in my life who know me & love me right where I am at because I am enough...I do enough...I am good enough.  I am so lucky that I can pick up a phone & call a friend & know they are my friend.  On the other hand, I am sad for spidey girl because she doesn't know what a true friend is or where to look for one or how to be one.    It must be a lonely place.

Some might ask why I give this so much effort & why after all this time I am still thinking about it... the answer is simple.  It hurts my heart to know that someone out there is cheating themself out of friendship.  I think I can be a pretty great friend & I was but it wasn't enough for her.  I have to come to grips with the simple fact that you aren't compatible with everyone & everyone can't like you but the ones that do should be cherished & respected & loved for all they are & all they do!

It is my sincere hope that some day this person heals in her heart enough to want to embrace the possibility of friendship.  True friends are real gems.